On the 14th Day of Christmas...

The Baseball Fairy gave to me: a lot of freaking snow!

I know I missed out on seven days of Baseball Christmas leading up to day of. Sorry about that. Life, family, writing, friends, boys, they all get in the way in the off season. You'll have my full attention back on March 30th, you know that. Ok, I promise to stop with these stupid "excuses" posts.

Tonight, we get Saints at Falcons, which is unlikely to get snowed out like the Eagles game did yesterday. Drew Brees is a good guy at sports and I am hopeful for the Saints win tonight, which will create a playoff situation that I would only understand if it was baseball.

Drew Brees wins at life (Image/PicApp)

But, yeah, GEAUX SAINTS!!!

On the Fifth Day of Baseball Christmas...

...a wicked hangover. Damn holiday parties/draw of Brother Jimmy's. So, instead of having to be creative and find something in the news about baseball having to do with five (I gave up looking for a relevant player with five Golden Gloves) let's talk about my favorite #5 of all time, Mr. Joe DiMaggio.

Five wasn't just his number; He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in '55 and five was the number of times he stole home plate in his career. The number pales in comparison to Ty Cobb's 54 stolen home moves - or his season with eight home-plate steals - but is still an impressive number for an incredibly tricky and daring play.

The Yankee Clipper played his entire career on the Bronx Bombers but his personal life made him nearly as famous as his ability to cover the entire outfield. Joe was, at one point the luckiest man to have ever been born, during his brief marriage to Marilyn Monroe.

Joe and Marilyn in happy times (Image/PicApp)

The couple was married for less than a year but he loved her til the day he died. After she passed in 1962, he arranged for six red roses to be delivered to her grave site three times a week for twenty years and he never remarried. All together now "Awwwww."

Merry Christmas to the family of Mr. Dimaggio. I wish I was in Los Angeles to place half a dozen red roses on Marilyn's grave on his behalf.

On the Fourth Day of Baseball Christmas...

...The Baseball Fairy gave to me: four targeted holiday gift guides!

Yahoo! Sports has some very random holiday gift guides up: one for Phillies Phans, one for Mets fans and one for Indians fans. Maybe because they need the most love? No, if that were the case, there would be one for Cubs fans too (Oh, there is. It was just posted yesterday...).

In the spirit of giving, here is my holiday gift guide for what to get Yankees fans. And by Yankees fans, I mean me:

1. Season ticket dugout seats: I shouldn't have to explain this one. I'd still like to go hang with my friends in the Bleachers, but these tickets will basically give me the option to go wherever I damn well please. And I deserve to sit next to the players more than Martha Stewart or Donald Trump. Please note that this gift should have two seats, so Ashley and I can yell "We love you, Mo!" and have him actually hear us at every game.

 2. A Steuben Crystal Yankees Baseball: I have absolutely no need for this but that doesn't mean I don't want it. It's just so shiny and pretty, kinda like me.

3. A Yankees Apron: So I can keep my clothes flour-free when I'm baking Baseball Cookies. Or Behind-the-Dugout Cookies.

4. A Yankees Garden Gnome: I live in an apartment and have no plants on my terrace, hell, I kill plants, but this lil lady would look lovely atop my TV. 

(Image/MLB)

5. Yankees Class of '85 shirt: Dave Winfield, Donny Baseball, Willie Randolph...so many great faces! Aren't Etsy vendors so creative? I'd love a shirt from back when I was too young to really get the concept of baseball. Size medium, please.

6. Phillies Phans "Yankees Suck" Ornament: Yankees-hating Phillies phans are worse than angry Mets fans who at least have to share a city with the winningest team in sports history. I would like this, actually, a dozen of these, because sometimes, I just want to smash things.

7. Cafe Press Yankee Girl Underroos - Hella cute. I'd actually take any but the "I root for 2 teams..." pair. Let's keep it classy, afterall.


***It should be noted that I wrote this while wearing a tiara.

On the Third Day of Baseball Christmas...

...the Baseball Fairy gave to me: something that doesn't rhyme with "Three French Hens..." divorce rumors around my A.J.

I'm not going to rejoice in the dissolution of anyone's marriage, but you guys know it could not be more clear that I have a serious crush on #34 and his tattooed arms.

All I want to say is that I hope that if it is true that A.J. and Karen can both move forward amicably for the sake of their two children. On a lesser note, I hope that, if his marriage was the distraction for him in the 2010 season, this will help A..J. clear his head for the 2011.

                                                                                                                                   (Image/Me)

I would also like to let A.J. know that he can usually find me at Brother Jimmy's on East 77th Street on a Friday night. You know, whenever you're ready.

On the Second Day of Baseball Christmas...(UPDATED)

...the Baseball Fairy gave to me: two trade rumors and the promise of no Yankee named Lee...

As I tweeted this morning, I didn't want Cliff Lee to become a Yankee because I knew I could never love him. We all know I have a complicated relationship with my baseball players and, as was the case with Grandy this year, it takes me some time to love transplants. I just know that with all of his undesirable tendencies (shooting snot rockets in the dugout, anyone?) that even if Lee got his clean-cut-Yankees-team makeover that I would still shudder at the sight of him in Pinstripes. Yes, I'm selfish, but you love me so it's okay.

Have phun in Philly, Cliph (Image/PicApp)

On the rumor side, the Yankees are set to pick up Russell Martin to back-up Jorgey (UPDATE: this has actually been confirmed, per this NY Mag update) and Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton may be headed to B*ston to lead off the Bad Sox's rotation.

I wonder what the Baseball Fairy will bring us for the third day of Baseball Christmas? Come back tomorrow and find out, kiddies!

On the First Day of Baseball Christmas...

...the Baseball Fairy gave to me: pictures from the Swisher wedding near Miami!

The gorgeous bride with the even more gorgeous first name wore a Monique Lhuillier gown. Attendees included A-Rod and Cameron Diaz. I had to send my regrets so I wouldn't miss a Friday night at Brother Jimmy's with Smash. I mean, I do have my priorities.

Congratulations to the happy couple!
 
(Yes, I'm going to see how creative I can be and actually turn all 12 days of Christmas into baseball-related bits. Stay tuned!)

Lunch Break: The Best Fake Sports News That's Fit to Link

I have always and will always love The Onion. As a kid, I would grab a copy, after church on Sunday, from one of the many newspaper boxes on the campus of the U of I, and flip immediately to my horoscope and Red Meat. Now, I grab a new issue on the corner of Houston and Broadway every week and also follow The Onion on Twitter. I never fail to giggle when they rib the Yankees, like in today's piece, where they report on the re-signing of the Yankees' mascot, Derek Jeter.

For my money, he IS the best mascot in all of the MLB. Certainly hotter than the Phanatic.

Hello, Angels

I have missed you SOOOO much. Have you missed me? Obvi!

Listen, I'm going to do my best to write in the off-season. I know I missed out on covering some trades, some Jeter drama (including the four-hour meeting today down in Fla.) and the MVP titles, but I've been quite busy.

You will be happy to know that I am working on a book and I have been writing some freelance articles. So, I'm not neglecting my talent, or anything tragic like that.

I'll be back soon, I promise. Until then, know you are in my heart, right next to the special place where I hold my love for AJ's tattooed arms and Brett Brett's backside.

Nice place to be...